General Hospital will be, ahem, eclipsed on April 8 and preempted for coverage of a certain eye-catching spectacle. (Wear your protective glasses, peeps!) But ABC’s one and only soap — at least for now — still put out a tantalizing teaser for what the rest of the week holds in store.

In the preview, which you can watch in full below, Michael and Willow hit a milestone that, let’s be real, we were not sure they’d ever reach, what with her coming thisclose to death and his habit of keeping his wife in the dark about his schemes. It’s their first anniversary, and unlike us, they seem more elated about it than shocked.

Elsewhere on the canvas, Valentin offers his assistance to Anna — and immediately comes to regret it. Why’s that? The case with which she needs a hand is Pikeman’s! And we all know that he’s up to his neck in that mess!

In other developments, it’s Jason, of all people, who actually questions Sonny about whether he’s taking his meds. As if to answer, “Yes, but somebody’s been messing with them!” the godfather barks that “I’m not a child!” Mm-hmm, ’cause nothing says “I’m totally stable and in my right mind” like throwing a tantrum that would make even Ace go, “Dude, you need a time-out.”

Finally, Carly happens upon a brutal scene that leaves a certain someone bloody, beaten and seemingly unconscious (at best). Who’s on the receiving end of the smackdown? Check out the clip above to find out. Then take a peek at the below gallery of General Hospital cast portraits.