Credit: CBS screenshot (2), Howard Wise/JPI (3)

It was a big week over at CBS, right? On the heels of Young & Restless’ four-year renewal, we learned that the network is developing a new Black-centric daytime drama that it could only hope will erase the memory of Winters Wednesdays (episodes in which Genoa City’s African-American characters’ storylines finally got a little screen time). And we have a lotta faith in the team behind The Gates. (Read more about them here.) If nothing else, we have faith that they will put something more engrossing on the air than what Young & Restless did over the last few days. Read on, and filling in for Candi, who I think said she’d be spending her vacation trying on berets in a dank alley, I’ll go over with you what worked (at least for me) and didn’t.

Where There’s Smoke…

I can’t say that the show isn’t more interesting when Jordan is on. Can anyone? I wish a daytime legend the likes of Colleen Zenk was being given richer material that actually made sense, but at least she’s getting to chew scenery like it’s been laid out for an all-you-can-eat buffet. And the character is for sure headed into supervillain territory. How many senior citizens do you know who could shove a grown man into oncoming traffic? (R.I.P., Seth. We hardly knew ye.)

On top of Jordan’s superpowers, she’s funny. Not always intentionally, but she is. The madwoman, who seems to carry around more wigs than you’d find in the workroom on RuPaul’s Drag Race, spent so much time hanging around a dumpster this week, I was surprised she didn’t run into Oscar the Grouch. As it was, she was there long enough to discover that — how convenient! — somebody had discarded a full gas can. What’s more, only then did mopey Claire mention that fire is her aunt’s weapon of choice. What coincidental timing, eh? (Ed. Note: I’m told — and thanks for reminding me, folks — that this is not the first time that it’s been brought up. Entirely my bad.)

But what, exactly, were we supposed to feel about Jordan’s actions? She’d killed a B player that we hadn’t expected to have legs and burned down a house full of Victoria’s children’s memories… with none of the kids around to shed a tear over it. Maybe Brian Gaskill summed up our reactions best when he Instagrammed, “So yeah… that happened.”

I’d feel worse about admitting that I prefer Drunk Nikki to Desperately Trying to Stay Sober Nikki if Melody Thomas Scott hadn’t said the same thing. It is a kick, though, watching her ogle alcohol in a way that brings me right back to my childhood and Dallas’ Sue Ellen Ewing doing the same thing. No wonder I never pour a glass of wine without eyeing it lustfully first!

It’s the Thought That Counts

Would I have preferred that the episode dealing with Connor’s OCD diagnosis not have been scripted with all the subtlety of a jackhammer? Yes. But I still have to applaud the show for dealing with an actual real issue. Somewhere, Bill Bell had to be smiling at the attempt, if not the execution.

One question, though. I mean, besides why did it feel like the dialogue had been lifted straight from a Psych 101 textbook? Why was Billy in attendance at Connor’s therapy session? He’s been dating his former rapist Chelsea for all of a hot minute, and while it’s nice that he’d want to support the kid, wouldn’t he have the sense to guess that he’d be more comfortable with just his folks around? Who am I kidding? This is Billy we’re talking about. There’s lint in my navel that has more sense!

The Face Is Familiar, But…

The rehash of Christine/Danny/Phyllis has made no sense from the start, and it keeps getting worse. Who is supposed to root for Danny at all when he’s basically blaming his wishy-washiness on his exes’ obsession with their rivalry? And why on God’s green earth is Phyllis throwing herself at this guy when she has expressed zero interest in him in decades? It makes her look desperate at best, crazy at worst. 

Nope. Wait, “worst” is Phyllis vowing to stick it to Christine because she’s who Danny chose. What a remarkable show of growth for Phyllis. Ugh. Bring back Ronan already!

The saving grace of this embarrassing plot was Abby getting to snark at Phyllis, who for some reason was determined to have Danny cook for her at Society rather than at her place. Melissa Ordway is so fluent in sarcasm, I can only hope Abby develops a keen fondness for flinging zingers.

Will the Real Ashley Abbott Please Stand Up?

Not sure what the big deal about Ashley’s split personality is supposed to be. Her alter seems to have it going on. She’s pursuing what she wants (Tucker), is unfazed by the competition (Audra) and is basically the life of the party. Why would anyone ever consider trading her back for the real deal, who has spent the last few years running around picking fights like it was the fastest way to get a new CEO job. (We all know the fastest way to do that is to simply be a character on this show! Esther is undoubtedly seconds away from being promoted from secretary at CW to executive vice-president in charge of feather dusters and coffee runs.)

Speaking of big-business bigwigs, Chance became infinitely more interesting once he doffed his suit and hit the sheets with Summer. Conner Floyd and Allison Lanier play well off each other and left me wanting more. And no, not just more French fries (even though that was a hot topic… Crap, and now I want French fries).

Quick Hits

Love having Veronica Redd back as Mamie. Hate having her stuck talking about Chancellor-Winters splitting up and pretending that it hasn’t and… zzz. That’s not a business storyline, that’s a business bore-yline. Make. It. Stop. And while I — and all of us? — am/are all for utilizing Mishael Morgan when she’s available, there’s no point to her comeback if Amanda is immediately directed to step into the quicksand of this go-nowhere plot. • I give Diane credit for not reading Jack the riot act for running off to keep Nikki sipping mineral water rather than swilling vodka, but this ongoing plot makes both of the ex-marrieds look like idiots. Jack should know better than to ask the supposed love of his life to sit back and chill while he tends to a woman to whom he got married twice. And Nikki, with her vaults full of money, has no reason to put him in this position. She doesn’t have the dough to just go to rehab, she has the dough to buy herself a whole freaking clinic.

Oh, and I’ve figured out the problem with Tucker! He’s not passive aggressive, he’s passive, period. He plots and plots and talks about doing “things” and never actually does anything. I can’t be terribly concerned about what happens to him when nothing ever really seems to happen to or even around him. • I know AA is anonymous and all, but wouldn’t somebody at one of Nikki’s meetings recognize this super-famous stripper-turned-businesswoman who once ran for office and, in a moment of weakness, sell a tabloid the story of kidnapping and death threats against Jordan? • Finally, nope, Young & Restless. I can’t give two hoots about “Teriah” moving into a new home or their housing at all when they are currently living rent-free on the equivalent of the Yellowstone and are related to half the millionaires in town. If you want to tell stories real people can relate to, you’re gonna need a few characters whose families aren’t among the Forbes 500.