Credit: Howard Wise/JPI (4); CBS Screenshot (2)

If you took a drink every time someone mentioned Sheila’s toes during this week’s episodes of Bold & Beautiful, I can only assume you’re in the ICU with a terrible case of alcohol poisoning. For that, I am truly sorry. Those who were smart enough to avoid that fate; well, I’m kinda sorry for you, too. Because at least our imbibing friends got a buzz, while all we got was a big ol’ nothing sandwich… at least until Friday, when at last we got a nifty cliffhanger. 

Kudos to Kanan

Let’s start with the high-point of the week, which came in the performance of Sean Kanan. Last Friday’s cliffhanger was, as we’d kinda assumed, Deacon getting a glimpse of his girlfriend’s feet and realizing something wasn’t missing.

I’ve long thought Kanan to be one of the most undervalued players on daytime. The guy can do drama, comedy and whatever else is needed. (Anyone needing proof of his versatility as both an actor and creator should check out the digital series Studio City, which he not only stars in but created, on Amazon Prime. You can thank me later.) Watching Deacon have a complete and total meltdown, to the point where he couldn’t even form sentences, was fantastic.

Go Tell It On the Mountain!

Unfortunately, things went rapidly downhill from there. You’d think that a week in which word of Sheila’s resurrection spread and, across town, Luna decided she had to confess her (accidental) infidelity would be action packed. Sadly, you would be wrong.  Because all anyone did where either of this plot points are concerned was talk about them for most of the week.

Now, I fully admit that I’m not a medical examiner and haven’t had a whole lot of experience with things like autopsy’s, but come on. I mean, has every television show and movie ever made been lying to us when they showed a medical examiner doing a thorough once-over (usually while eating a sandwich, much to the discomfort of others with weaker stomachs), speaking into a recording device as he notes things such as how many stab wounds were inflicted and, oh, yeah, that the victim has all her toes.

Surely there’d be a police record regarding Sheila lopping off a toe to fake her own death! Also, given that the police know she’d faked her death — and how — wouldn’t they check, just to be sure? For that matter, why didn’t anyone check? How come when Finn insisted on calling Deacon delulu — a term we learned by watching the below video, in which the cast of The Way Home test one another on slang — Sheila’s ex didn’t bring up her long history of having pulled similar tricks?

Sugar Adds Spice

In the final moments of Friday’s episode, we finally got something worth waiting for when Deacon discovered that Sugar had reached out to Sheila. And while his girlfriend claimed to want no part of the woman who’d once been her partner in scheming, it seems a safe bet that’s who she was slipping away to meet in the weeks leading up to her death.

More: What you need to know about Sugar!

This, of course, is one of those delicious twists that leaves us with more questions than answers. Yes, most of us assumed it would probably be Sugar who bit the dust. But why did she attack Steffy? Did Sheila put her up to it and, if so, to what end? She couldn’t have known Steffy would do away with Sugar. (Then again, these are the same writers who had (poor, dead) Vinny throw himself in front of a car to help his pal Thomas stake a claim to Hope, so anything is possible.)

Meanwhile, I really need Bold & Beautiful not to become a show that spends all week treading water before giving us one juicy morsel at the end of Friday’s episode. That’s exactly what they’ve been doing the past few weeks, and it’s not a great idea in this age of short attention spans. Fans will soon pick up that all they have to do is tune in at the end of the week.

No Sale

The other storyline this week involved Luna deciding (again) to tell R.J. about the night she and Zende spent together. I honestly don’t know what the heck the point of this story is. I mean, I’m incredibly grateful that they didn’t take it down the too-well traveled “Who’s The Daddy?” lane. But what we’re left with is a plot we have no real investment in.

Zende did the whole, “Hey, if R.J. rejects you, I’ll be here for you” thing again. No matter how many times they try to play him suddenly being in love with her, it still won’t track with what we saw come before. And this is something that Bold & Beautiful really struggles with: long-term storytelling. Far too often, it feels as if everything is being made up as it goes along. Plots change on a dime — and often are dropped with no explanation — even as character motivations are seemingly made up to suit whatever direction they need to be bent toward.

What really bothers me is that this is all such a waste of Lisa Yamada’s Luna. We were charmed by the newcomer almost immediately, in part because of the joyous presence Yamada brought into every scene. Lately, all we’ve gotten is Luna i sad-sack mode, and I’m ready for that phase of the story to end. On the plus side, although Luna didn’t confess this week, I hear there’s big stuff ahead next week.

What’s Next for Liam?

Sometimes, we as viewers can suffer from character burnout. I know that for some folks, that has happened where Liam’s concerned in the past… especially during the waffling years. Over the past week or two, we’ve seen Liam interact with both Steffy and Hope, but largely as a mature co-parent as opposed to a man whose theme song is “Hopelessly Devoted to (Both Of) You.” The only problem?

More: Why the Golden Bachelor is getting a divorce!

Well, this goes back to what we were saying earlier about the way this show is written. It was only a few short weeks ago that Liam was telling anyone who’d listen — including photographs he gazed creepily at — that he was in love with Steffy. He warned Finn of his determination to get her back. And now, he’s wandering around saying he wants to focus on being a better dad.

Here’s hoping this is just the show spinning Liam’s wheels until Ivy returns, because I’d love to see that particular romance get a second shot.

Random Thoughts

• One very cool thing you may not have realized? The episode in which Sheila was cremated was actually directed by Heather Tom (Katie).

• We’re pretty much accustomed to the endlessly repetitive dialogue on this show… but they’ve even gotten lazy with the reasons Liam swings by to see his exes. At least once a week, he shows up toting a stuffed animal or backpack one of the kids forgot when they left.

• I literally guffawed when Finn said to Steffy, “You know, Deacon’s eccentric and quirky.” Really? There are a lot of words that I might use to describe Deacon, but those two particular adjectives wouldn’t even crack my top 50.

• Give that Carter is Ridge’s best friend, in what universe did it make sense for Zende to admit he’d slept with R.J.’s girlfriend?

• Speaking of lines, the clunker of the week had to be R.J. saying to Hope, “I get to work with my talented sister… that’s you!” Seriously? As if she wouldn’t know that, were it not for his thoughtful verbal assist? Nobody talks like that.

• Luna is being given a whole lot of responsibility at Forrester. We need a scene where Hope says, “Oh, by the way, you’re no longer an intern, but an official member of the team. Let’s talk salary.” But when that happens, Luna, don’t even think about asking for an office. There are two and only two, so get used to hanging out in the design studio